We are not the same

I often forget that my life is different than yours.

I often forget that even though we share so many things, that my life is very different than yours.

I often forget how strict my parents were with me; how many things I missed out on or were withheld from me because I was grounded for acting up, or not doing well in school.

I often forget how stressed I was in school trying to impress and honor my parents; how many nights I was forced to stay up and study.

I often forget how I was physically treated when I didn't do well, or behaved appropriately. Tough love they called it. Even though it drove a wedge in the family. Even though it caused years of physical and mental stress on too many people. It could have easily been dealt with a different way.

But I can't change the past and when I look at what I have now, I am so vividly reminded that the pain and stress, although easily avoidable, was not so horrible I couldn't overcome it.




I am reminded that because of my upbringing, that I will never give up. I will never quit a task. I will force myself to find a solution at any cost.

I am reminded that because of my upbringing that I will never stop working to achieve a goal. I will never put things aside and forget about them. I will never sleep in or not take my work home with me.

I am reminded that because of my upbringing that I will always aim to do more in less time, achieve more tasks at the same time.

I am reminded that because of my upbringing, romantic love is not the greatest goal in life and focusing on solely that leaves you with little to hold.

And every reminder put me on a journey.



The journey I took to develop a safe and secure career as an educator, and then risking it all for a TV show that lasted a few weeks.

The journey I took to develop a career as a director and producer, and then being poorly paid or laid off and living on unemployment for months.

The journey I took to develop a relationship with another, and then with myself, and then holding a gun in my hand trying to remember how to load it.

All those journey's lead me to a destination.




That destination takes more time than I gave it credit for. And sometimes, I may gloss over all the details from point A to point B. I may elude the fact that it is really hard to get those things done. I may not express exactly how hard it was, and how hard it is to get through. Maybe it's because I don't want to show weakness, maybe it's because I want so badly to do well, maybe it's because I am still afraid of letting my parents down.


Or maybe it's because I'm different than you. I was raised differently. I express differently. I look at goals and tasks differently. I work differently. I hold love differently.



So when you find yourself at an undesirable destination, I don't know if my advice will ever help you. Because I am different.

But if I can give you any advice, maybe take a look at the journey that brought your there. Maybe take a look at the reminders you often forget. Even though we are not the same, our destination is likely similar: happiness.



You can't go back and change your upbringing.  You can't go back and change the way you acted or worked.


But you can learn. You can make changes now. You can put actions in place to make it so you never find yourself in that place again.


Hope is not lost. Hope is just waiting for you to change.