Ten More Days

In ten more days, Jeston will be home.

November

I am. Unsure. Uneasy. Underwhelmed. And under a little pressure.


Did I accomplish my goal of remodeling the house? Was I successful at being able to handle a long distance relationship? Am I happy that soon I will be with him again?

unsure

I've had a lot of odd feelings this month surrounding Jeston's return. And the majority of them have nothing to do with Jeston, or even his return. They all surround the stuff that comes after. The part where we get to go on vacation together...in a cold climate (ugh...more cold weather). The part where we get to live together in a home again...but only a few months (4 months together). And then the part where he gets to leave again...for another 8 months...on the west coast of the US...where it will be harder for us to be together...again.


uneasy

Yellow Chunky Scarf for KLo!

It's difficult. Because I want nothing more than to be happy he is coming home. I want nothing more to look forward to holding his hand and watching TV on the couch with him and writing music and eating foods and sleeping together. I want nothing more to feel good about all those things.


But there is this unsettling cloud just a few feet behind me that's overshadowing all those good feelings. I just wish there was a way to chase it away. Tell it to come back in 10 days. When I don't have to face these feelings alone, but with him. Because honestly, I've done a great job at taking care of myself these past 8 months. I'd really like it if I could work with a team.


This isn't the most positive blog update. But that happens in life. Un-positive days. Most of the time days like these go hand in hand with the conversation..."well, what are you going to do about it? how are you going to fix it?"

....

I would rather not face that conversation alone right now. I'm afraid that the outcome would be unappealing. And that would be unfair to Jeston, me and our relationship. And it's just 10 days.




Needless to say. The next ten days will be hard. So here are some photos to distract you...and me.

Stone pathway is looking better

Brussel Sprouts & Beets!

I grew a carrot!